MAD #244 — January 1984

"We all know how to shut our mouths…but few of us know when!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Subscription Ad — Haunted by The Ghost of Christmas Presents?

  George Woodbridge art from MAD #116
  C2
• Contents Page
  1
• Letters Dept.

  Notes

  • Photo of Mark Hamill reading MAD
  2
• Ad for The MAD Tell It Like It Is Book Paperback
  3
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• Warped Games (movie satire)

  Missile Command — Bezerk — Kaboom! Dept.

  Written by Larry Siegel / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #66 — Spring 1989
  • The Porpoise-ful MAD — 1991 (Paperback #88)
  • MAD Special #105 — July 1995
  4–7
• Bedsheet Signs We'll Never See on TV

  Airing Their Dotty Linen Dept.

  Written by Tom Koch / Art by Bob Clarke

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #67 — Summer 1989
  8–9
• Macho is...

  Virilitease Dept.

  Written by Tom Koch / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #65 — Winter 1988
  • The Porpoise-ful MAD — 1991 (Paperback #88)
  10–12 sample
• One Morning in the Dungeon Room

  Don Martin Dept. Part I

  Written by Don (Duck) Edwing / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD XL #27 — June 2004
  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely Mad Don Martin — 2007
  13
• The Lighter Side of...

  Berg's-Eye View Dept.

  Dave Berg
  14–18
• Spy vs. Spy — "You Are Here" then everywhere

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Antonio Prohias

  Reprinted in 6 collections

  • MAD Special #68 — Fall 1989
  • MAD Capades — 1992 (Paperback #89)
  • Spy Vs. Spy — The Complete Casebook — Antonio Prohias — 2001
  • Spy vs. Spy — Mega Mini Kit — 2010
  • Spy Vs. Spy — Omnibus — Antonio Prohias — 2011
  • MAD Presents Spy Vs. Spy — An Explosive Celebration — 2015
  19
• MAD's Multiple Choice TV Scene Test

  Three Are a Match Dept.

  Paul Peter Porges

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #68 — Fall 1989
  • MAD Capades — 1992 (Paperback #89)
  20–22
• One Afternoon in the School Room

  Don Martin Dept. Part II

  Written by Sergio Aragones / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #67 — Summer 1989
  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely Mad Don Martin — 2007
  23 sample
• MAD's All-Inclusive "Monday Night Football" Betting Pool

  Bet it Like it Is Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Jack Davis

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #67 — Summer 1989
  24–25
• Famous Quotations and How the People Back Then Reacted to Them

  Past-Asides Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by Harry North, Esq.

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #68 — Fall 1989
  • MAD Capades — 1992 (Paperback #89)
  • MAD's Greatest Writers — Frank Jacobs — 2015
  26–28 sample
• Asinine to Five (TV satire)

  Schlock-Watching Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Angelo Torres

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD #47 — February 2026
  29–33
• MAD's All-Inclusive Do-It-Yourself "Jingle Bells"

  The Rhymes They Are A-Changing Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • MAD Special #67 — Summer 1989
  • MAD Special #134 — January 1999
  • MAD Stocking Stuffer — 1999
  • MAD Stocking Stuffer — Special Collector's Edition 2016
  34–35
• A MAD History of Communication

  Absurd-of-Mouth Dept.

  Written by Larry Siegel / Art by George Woodbridge

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #78 — January 1992
  36–40
• MAD's Aptitude Test Number Two — Will You Make a Good Teacher?

  BS.A.T. Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by George Woodbridge

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #67 — Summer 1989
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Gushing Fourth Edition — 2004
  • MAD's Greatest Writers — Frank Jacobs — 2015
  41
• You Know You're in a Second Marriage When...

  Re-Wedded Blitz Dept.

  Lloyd Gola

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #121 — June 1997
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Turd in a Series — 2003
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  42–43
• Psycho, Too (movie satire)

  I Dismember Mama Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #66 — Spring 1989
  • Horrifyingly MAD — 2011
  • MAD #16 — December 2020
  44–47
• One Evening in the Living Room

  Don Martin Dept. Part III

  Written by Kevin Joy / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD XL #27 — June 2004
  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely Mad Don Martin — 2007
  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  48
• Fold-In — What kind of weather report can chill you to the bone?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3
• Back Cover — Lunchbox Pop-Up Clown

  Written by Don (Duck) Edwing / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • MAD Special #104 — June 1995
  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely Mad Don Martin — 2007
  • MAD's Greatest Artists — Don Martin — 2014
  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 2 — Aug/Sep 2025
  C4