MAD #259 — December 1985

"The biggest flaw in the 'Star Wars' system is that it will drive the Soviets to develop an 'Empire Strikes Back' system!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Subscription Ad
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• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes features animations with art by Sergio Aragones — Ad for Son of MAD Sucks Paperback — Ad for Alfred E. Neuman portraits — Ad for Mort Drucker's MAD Show-Stoppers
  2–3
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• Dumbo — More Blood Part II (movie satire)

  Stallone's Ranger Rides Again Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #74 — Spring 1991
  4–8
• One Disastrous Day on the Atlantic

  Don Martin Dept. Part I

  Written by Al Jaffee / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely MAD Don Martin — 2007
  9
• Superior Girl (Madonna song parody)

  Dumbelles Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #74 — Spring 1991
  10–11
• NASA's Proposed Questionnaire for Civilian Space Shuttle Passengers

  The Write Stuff Dept.

  Written by John Ficarra

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #74 — Spring 1991
  12–13
• A MAD Look at Bugs

  Sergio Aragones Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 5 collections

  • MAD Special #84 — November 1992
  • Bristling MAD — 1993 (Paperback #93)
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Number Two — 2001
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  • The MAD Summer Survival Guide — 2004
  14–16
• Some Straight Talk About Selling Cigarettes to a Hostile Public — R. J. Riddles

  Smoke Gets in Your Lies Dept.

  Written by Billy Doherty

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • MAD Special #75 — Summer 1991
  • Completely MAD — 1991
  • MAD About the Eighties — 1999
  • MAD For Decades — 2007
  17
• Cabbage Patch Products for People Who Hate Cabbage Patch Products

  Goodbye Dolly Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau and Joe Raiola / Art by George Woodbridge

  Reprinted in 5 collections

  • MAD Special #73 — Winter 1990
  • MAD Special #105 — July 1995
  • MAD XL #31 — January 2005
  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  • MAD Spoofs the '80s — Special Collector's Edition 2016
  18–19
• The Lighter Side of...

  Berg's-Eye View Dept.

  Dave Berg
  20–24
• One Dark Day in Prison

  Don Martin Dept. Part II

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely MAD Don Martin — 2007
  25
• Gigglin's Island (TV rerun satire)

  A Bad Case of the Re-Runs Dept.

  Written by Larry Siegel / Art by Sam Viviano

  Reprinted in 5 collections

  • MAD Special #78 — January 1992
  • MAD About TV — 1999
  • MAD XL #33 — June 2005
  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  • MAD #20 — August 2021
  26–27 sample
• How to End a Date Painlessly

  Goodnight Kiss-Off Dept.

  Paul Peter Porges

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #77 — Winter 1991
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Turd in a Series — 2003
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  28–29
• Bad Habit Enders

  Rehab Met the Enemy... Dept.

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #73 — Winter 1990
  • Completely MAD — 1991 (excerpt)
  30–33
• TV God Magazine

  The Good Booklet Dept.

  Written by Larry Siegel / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #78 — January 1992
  34–35
• 14 Reasons Why You'll Miss Seeing Halley's Comet

  Alibi in the Sky Dept.

  Written by Tom Koch / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #73 — Winter 1990
  36–38
• Nut Court (TV satire)

  Taking the Witless Stand Dept.

  Written by Larry Siegel / Art by Angelo Torres

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #77 — Winter 1991
  39–42
• One Depressing Day in the Dungeon

  Don Martin Dept. Part III

  Written by Don (Duck) Edwing / Art by Don Martin

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD's Greatest Artists — The Completely MAD Don Martin — 2007
  43
• MAD's Snappy Comments on Stupid Government Policies and Abuses

  Bulging Waste Lines Dept.

  Written by Lou Silverstone / Art by Bob Clarke
  44–45
• MAD Double Features

  Hollywood En-Twined Dept.

  Tom Hachtman

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #77 — Winter 1991
  • MAD #16 — December 2020 (excerpt)
  46–48
• Fold-In — What biological force threatens to destroy an international institution?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
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• Back Cover — The Alfred E. Neumaneuver — First Aid for the Restaurant Choking Victim

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Bob Clarke

  Reprinted in 8 collections

  • MAD Special #77 — Winter 1991
  • Good Days and MAD — 1994
  • MAD Special #106 — August 1995
  • MAD About the Eighties — 1999
  • MAD XL #28 — July 2004
  • MAD Magazine Poster Book — 2008
  • Totally MAD — 2012
  • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
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