MAD #444 — August 2004

"If ignorance is bliss, you'd think people would be happier when you pointed out what morons they are!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Ad for The MAD Bathroom Companion — Gushing Fourth book; Vote for the Monroe Fan Club president ballot
  2, 4, 6
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Friends of Fundalini Notes

  • "Friends of Fundalini" — contributors not originally attached to the articles in this section: Ray Alma, Scott Bricher, Tom Bunk, John Caldwell, Tom Cheney, Desmond Devlin, Don (Duck) Edwing, Garth Gerhart, Gary Hallgren, Jeff Kruse, Scott Maiko, Patrick Merrell, Steve Rosso, Mike Snider, Jack Syracuse, P. C. Vey — DETAILS

  • Initial Steps by the U.S. Government to Improve Conditions at Iraq's Abu Ghraib Prison
  • If Peter Parker had been Bitten by Other Radioactive Creatures — Written by Steve Rosso
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • MAD Kids #7 — May 2007
  • Personal Ad of the Month — Arnie: observational stand-up comic — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Bitterman — drunk sleeping at the dinner table (Garth Gerhart)
  • Classified Ads
  • The Godfrey Report
  • The Cover We Didn't Use — We Piss Off Spiderman! (Art by Ray Alma)
  • Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds — Paris Hilton — Written by Mike Snider / Art by Jack Syracuse
    Reprinted in 2 collections

    • The Freebie MAD — 2005
    • The Freebie MAD — 2005
  • Graphic Novel Review — Incredi-Man Archives — Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Gary Hallgren
    Reprinted in 3 collections

    • The Freebie MAD — 2005
    • MAD About Super Heroes — volume 2 — 2010
    • MAD About Super Heroes — version 2.5 — 2012
  • New Technology Culled From Downed Alien Spacecraft (P. C. Vey)
    Reprinted in 2 collections

    • MAD Kids #2 — March 2006
    • Totally Useless MAD — 2013
  • The Puzzle Nook — "---ger never solved anything" (Patrick Merrell)
  • Pull My Cheney! — tree surgeon (Tom Cheney)
  • After Devoting an Entire Broadcast to Reading the Names of U.S. Iraqi War Casualties... What Other Gimmicks is Ted Koppel Planning for Nightline? — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • The First Five Guys in Line to See Spider-Man 2 (Art by Tom Bunk)
  8–10
• Las Vaguest (TV satire)

  Casino Evil Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau / Art by Mort Drucker
  12–16
• MAD's Heroically-Awful Spider-Man 2 Outtakes

  Tobey or Not Tobey Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo
  18–19
• Only a Democrat Could Possibly Believe...

  Tenets, Anyone? Dept. Part I

  Written by Russ Cooper / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  20–21
• Monroe and... Europe — Part One

  Angster's Paradise Dept.

  Written by Anthony Barbieri / Art by Bill Wray
  22–25
• The Last Supper — Circa 2004 (poster)

  The Da Vinci Area Code Dept.

  Art by Richard Williams

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Magazine Poster Book — 2008
  • Totally MAD — 2012
  • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  26–27 sample
• A Cell Phone-Camera Geek's Photo Album

  A Picture is Worth a Thousand Nerds Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Drew Friedman
  28–30
• Spider-Man Has a Bad Week!

  Taking One Day at a Climb Dept.

  Written by Arie Kaplan / Art by Kevin Pope

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD About Super Heroes — volume 2 — 2010
  • MAD About Super Heroes — version 2.5 — 2012
  31
• You Know a Rapper's Gone Soft When...

  Wimpin' Ain't Easy Dept.

  Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • The Freebie MAD — 2005
  • MAD Classics #25 — May 2009
  32–33
• A MAD Look at Space Exploration

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Kids #6 — March 2007
  • MAD Kids — Burger King — 2007
  34–37
• Only a Republican Could Possibly Believe...

  Tenets, Anyone? Dept. Part II

  Written by Russ Cooper / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD War on Bush — 2007
  38–39
• Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions

  All Jaffee Dept.

  Al Jaffee / Color by Wildstorm

  Reprinted in 12 collections

  • White Castle Goes MAD — 2005 (excerpt)
  • White Castle Goes MAD — 2005 (excerpt)
  • MAD Kids #1 — December 2005 (excerpt)
  • MAD Kids #2 — March 2006 (excerpt)
  • MAD Kids #3 — May 2006 (excerpt)
  • MAD Classics #25 — May 2009
  • Epic MAD — 2012
  • Intensely Dumb MAD — 2013 (excerpt)
  • Totally Useless MAD — 2013 (excerpt)
  • Disturbingly Awful MAD — 2013
  • Insanely Awesome MAD — Deluxe Edition — 2014
  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash — Vol. 10 — Jan/Feb 2025
  40–42
• Duke Bissell's Tales of Undisputed Interest — ye old witchcraft shoppe

  The Wizard of Odd Dept.

  P. C. Vey

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  43
• How to Think Like a Superstar

  Pompous and Circumstance Dept.

  Written by Barry Liebmann / Art by Bob Staake
  44–45
• Spy vs. Spy — Dr. Octopus meets real octopus

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Spy Vs. Spy 2 — The Joke and Dagger Files — 2007
  • Spy vs. Spy — The Top Secret Files — 2011
  46–47
• From the Case Files of Wanda Goldstein Flenkman: Pet Psychologist

  It's 'Splaining Cats and Dogs Dept.

  Teresa Burns Parkhurst

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  • Totally Useless MAD — 2013
  48–49
• Pet Peeves of Spider-Man's Girlfriend

  Insects and the Single Girl Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD About Super Heroes — volume 2 — 2010
  • MAD About Super Heroes — version 2.5 — 2012
  50–52
• Fold-In — What will be the most grueling event in the upcoming olympics?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3