MAD #445 — September 2004

"It's true that school prepares you for a job — in both, you sit behind a desk being bored all day!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Peter Kuper illustrates Spy facial expressions
  2, 4, 6
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Friends of Fundalini Notes

  • “Friends of Fundalini” list of contributors not originally attached to the articles in this section: Ray Alma, John Caldwell, Desmond Devlin, Evan Dorkin, Nathan Fox, Garth Gerhart, Jeff Kruse, Leonardo Rodriguez, Steve Rosso, Sam Sisco, Mike Snider, Jack Syracuse, P. C. Vey — DETAILS

  • If a Political Convention was Produced by... — Art by Nathan Fox
  • The Fast 5 — Fun Facts About J. Lo's Marriage to Marc Anthony — Art by Sam Sisco
  • Monkeys Are Always Funny — sitting with Presidents in church — Evan Dorkin
  • The Cover We Didn't Use — We Poop On Troy — Art by Ray Alma
  • Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds — Tony Hawk — Written by Mike Snider / Art by Jack Syracuse
  • Climaxes to Really Lame Urban Legends — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Rejected Applicants From ABC's Extreme Makeover — John Caldwell
  • Bitterman — no escape from “NO” signs — Garth Gerhart
  • Fun With John Paul & George
  • George Tenet's Resignation Letter — Written by Desmond Devlin
  • Vey To Go! — “The morgue, and step on it.” — P. C. Vey
  • Bonus DVD Features We'd Like to See — Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Leonardo Rodriguez
  • Magazine Corrections You May Have Missed — wrong horoscope advice — Written by Jeff Kruse
  8–10
• Greek Gods of the 2004 Olympics

  Doctored Zeus Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Gary Hallgren
  12–13
• William Shakespeare — Political Commentator

  The Winners of Our Discontent Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by M. K. Perker / AP & Wide World photos
  14–16
• Unwritten Rules for Olympic Athletes

  Pros & Con-duct Dept.

  John Caldwell
  18–20
• Van Helstink (movie satire)

  Hugh Jackass Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Tom Richmond

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Horrifyingly MAD — 2011
  • MAD #33 — October 2023
  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash — Vol. 6 — Jul/Aug 2023
  22–25
• 24 Hours of NBC's Endless Olympic Coverage

  Must Flee TV Dept.

  Written by Andrew J. Schwartzberg / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  26–28
• A MAD Look at National Parks

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Kids #4 — August 2006
  • Intensely Dumb MAD — 2013
  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 1 — Apr/May 2025
  30–33
• The Obesity Olympics

  Let the Game Be Thin Dept.

  Teresa Burns Parkhurst
  34–36 sample
• MAD's 50 Worst Things About Comedy

  Malignant Humor Dept.

  Written by Scott Maiko / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The Freebie MAD — 2005 (excerpt)
  37–44
• The Dying Game

  Tales from the Duck Side Dept.

  Don (Duck) Edwing
  45
• Monroe and... Europe — Part Two

  Angster's Paradise Dept.

  Written by Anthony Barbieri / Art by Bill Wray
  46–49
• Spy vs. Spy — real videogame spy / machine gun shoots ladder rungs

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Spy Vs. Spy 2 — The Joke and Dagger Files — 2007
  • Spy vs. Spy — The Top Secret Files — 2011
  50–51
• Troy-Vey! (movie satire)

  Achilles Spiel Dept.

  Written by Arnie Kogen / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  52–55
• MAD Magazine's Official Portrait of William J. Clinton

  Electile Dysfunction Dept.

  Art by Scott Bricher

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD About Politics — 2008
  • MAD Dumps on Trump and other Unlikeable Leaders! — Special Collector's Edition 2018
  56
• Fold-In — Where do all Americans hope the vicious attacks will end soon?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3