MAD #447 — November 2004

"Quitting smoking is easy... compared to listening to a former smoker talk about quitting!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.
  2, 4, 6
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine) summary
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Friends of Fundalini Notes

  • "Friends of Fundalini" list of contributors not originally attached to the articles in this section: Matthew A. Cohen, Dick DeBartolo, Desmond Devlin, Don (Duck) Edwing, Garth Gerhart, Gary Hallgren, Charlie Kadau, Jeff Kruse, Jacob Lambert, Patrick Merrell, Mike Snider, Jack Syracuse, Dennis Wunderlin — DETAILS

  • Fundalini Foto News: Lance Armstrong Wins 6th Tour de France
  • Pope Fiction — Don (Duck) Edwing
  • Conventional Wisdom Says... When In Fact...
  • Save $50 on a Set of Four BF Goodyear Tires! — Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Dennis Wunderlin
  • Internet Banner Ads You Shouldn't Click On — matches.com
  • Bonus DVD Features We'd Like to See — Michael Moore Fahrenheit 9/11 — Co-written by Jeff Kruse and Matthew A. Cohen
  • Titles George Lucas Considered For the Next Star Wars Movie — Art by Jack Syracuse
    Reprinted in 2 collections

    • White Castle Goes MAD — 2005
    • MAD About Star Wars — 2007
  • Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds — Tina Fey — Written by Mike Snider / Art by Jack Syracuse
  • The Puzzle Nook — "---ry will get you nowhere" — Patrick Merrell
  • Is Your State's Governor Gay?
  • Graphic Novel Review — The Adventures of Tintin — Tintin in Fallujah — Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Gary Hallgren
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • The MAD War on Bush — 2007
  • Bitterman — security guard job interview — Garth Gerhart
  8–10
• How George W. Bush "Stacks Up" Against the Other 42 U.S. Presidents

  It's Rating Men Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / AP & Wide World Bush photos

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • The MAD War on Bush — 2007
  • MAD Classics #24 — January 2009
  12–13
• This Year's Hottest Halloween Costumes

  For Your Disguise Only Dept.

  Art by Scott Bricher
  14
• Monroe and... Global Warming

  Angster's Paradise Dept.

  Written by Anthony Barbieri / Art by Bill Wray
  16–19
• One Morning on Fifth Avenue

  Minions of Dollars Dept.

  Written by Don (Duck) Edwing / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • The Freebie MAD — 2005
  • Insanely Awesome MAD — 2011
  • Insanely Awesome MAD — Deluxe Edition — 2014
  • MAD About Trump — 2017
  20
• Ad for MAD Racing NHRA NASCAR Action Collectibles
  21
• John, Frank and Carmine's Biggest Complaints About Growing Up Gotti

  Boyz II Hitmen Dept.

  Art by Hermann Mejia
  22–23
• Duke Bissell's Tales of Undisputed Interest — pet psychic hotline

  The Wizard of Odd Dept.

  P. C. Vey
  24
• A MAD Look at Politicians

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash — Vol. 10 — Jan/Feb 2025
  26–29
• Put a New Idiot in the White House! — Alfred E. Neuman For President (poster)

  The Schmuck Stops Here Dept.

  Art by Mark Fredrickson

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD About Politics — 2008
  30–31 sample
• A MAD Poke in the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

  All in a Gay's Work Dept.

  Written by and video captures by Mike Snider
  32–34
• Martha Stewart's Escape Plan

  Gettin' Diggy Wit' It Dept.

  Written by Matthew A. Cohen and Jason Schneider / Art by Charles Akins
  36–37
• The Strange Similarities Between the Bush Administration and the World of Dr. Seuss

  Oh, the Undisclosed Locations You'll Go! Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • The MAD War on Bush — 2007
  • MAD Classics #24 — January 2009
  • MAD Spoofs Politics — Special Collector's Edition 2014
  39–43
• Indisputable Tip-Offs You Weren't Cut Out for a Life of Crime

  Fail to the Thief Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD #23 — February 2022
  44–45
• Unabridged Corporate Slogans

  A Long Phrase Journey Into Blight Dept.

  Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Tom Nick Cocotos
  46
• Spy vs. Spy — rainbow laser / balloons say I suck

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Spy Vs. Spy 2 — The Joke and Dagger Files — 2007
  • Spy vs. Spy — The Top Secret Files — 2011
  48–49
• The Verdict

  Guilty, Please! Dept.

  Written by Michael Gallagher / Art by Sergio Aragones
  50 sample
• What to Expect at Your Team's Spanking New $450 Million Ballpark

  Field of Schemes Dept.

  Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Al Jaffee / Getty Images photo

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Insanely Awesome MAD — 2011
  • Insanely Awesome MAD — Deluxe Edition — 2014
  52–53
• The Burning Mad Show (TV satire)

  Big Mac Attacked Dept.

  Written by David Shayne / Art by Tom Richmond
  55–59
• Spy vs. Spy Ad for Mountain Dew
  60
• Fold-In — What obnoxious bore is notorious for asking questions no one else does?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3
• Back Cover — Ad for Aaron's "Our Dream Machines Have Gone MAD!" — MAD Racing Partner
  C4

This was a 2004 NASCAR wraparound cover handed out at the memorabilia kiosks of drivers Michael Waltrip and Kenny Wallace. Gone after the 3rd race of the season.
Guts of #447 are the same, including the Seuss cover.
Good luck finding this one!
Thanks to Tim Johnson for the cover image!