MAD #512 — December 2011

"If you always see your glass as half empty, try getting a smaller glass!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Ad for MAD's Blog: The Idiotical
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• Contents Page

  It's the List We Can Do Dept.
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Photo of Jimi Hendrix reading #113, Dick DeBartolo with Inkpot Award from San Diego Comic-Con, summer intern photos by Alicia Viviano
  2–4
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various obscure places around the magazine)
• Ad for Subscriptions

  with #154 bonus print
  5
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Featuring /

  • The Fast Five — Reasons You Didn't Get Raptured on October 21 — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Bob Staake
  • Plugged Nickel — Edward from Twilight sees a doctor — Written by Kit Lively / Art by Scott Nickel
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • MAD #23 — February 2022
  • The Cover We Didn't Use — What, Me Banksy?
  • Funeral Home Services You Probably Don't Want to Spring For — Written by John Caldwell / Art by Kevin Pope
  • Donnie the Douche's Guide to Slashing Your Veterinary Bills — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • The Faster Five — Things We Can Look Forward to If Michele Bachmann Becomes President — Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Ward Sutton
  • Pull My Cheney — electrocution, hanging, firing squad — Tom Cheney
  • The Fastest Five — Reasons for the Libyan Revolution — Written by Barry Liebmann / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  • Parade — What People Earn — Great Recession Edition
  • The Fast Four +1 — Reasons Burger King is Retiring The King — Written by Kit Lively / Art by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer
  • On Sale Now! — Rick Perry's Page-A-Day Execution Calendar
  • Celebrity Cause-of-Death Betting Odds — Kate Middleton — Art by Sam Viviano
  • Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service is Cutting Back — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Anton Emdin
  • The Last Fast Five — Early Rumors About the Dirty Dancing Remake — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Rick Tulka
  • When the Going Gets Duff — horse waits for caption — J. C. Duffy
  • Bitterman — migraine diagnosis — Garth Gerhart
  6–8, 10, 11
• Ad for Subscriptions

  Kelly Freas art from MAD #52
  9
• The Walking Dud (TV satire)

  If You Can't Eat 'em, Join 'em Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  • MAD Unplugs TV — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • MAD Spoofs Horror — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  12–17
• Ad for MAD Books
  18–19
• The MAD Obituary Pages

  R.I.P.-ed From Today's Headlines Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by James Warhola
  20–21
• Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions

  All Jaffee Dept.

  Al Jaffee / Color by Tom Luth

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  22–23
• A MAD Look At The Apocalypse

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones / Color by Tom Luth and Carl Peterson
  24–27
• MAD 60th Anniversary 2012 Calendar

  In One Year and Out the Other Dept. — montage of various cover images
  28–29
• Planet TAD!!!!!

  In Blog We Trust Dept.

  Written by Tim Carvell / Art by Brian Durniak
  30–31
• Signs Your Tae Kwon Do Instructor May Be Over the Hill

  The Dulling of the Sensei Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Insanely Awesome MAD — Deluxe Edition — 2014
  32–33
• Movie Mashups We'd Hate to See

  Birth of a Combination Dept.

  Art by Scott Bricher

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  • Special Loot Crate Edition of MAD — May 2015
  34–35
• One Day on the Hudson River (What Really Happened)

  Plane Nonsense Dept.

  Steven Day photo
  36
• Punitive Damages — A Game of Supreme Justice

  Wii the People Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Tom Richmond
  37–40
• The MAD Vault

  Rotten to the Encore Dept.

  Article from MAD #209: The Turtle — Written by Paul Peter Porges / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  41–44
• The Strip Club

  Pen and Stink Dept.

  Featuring /

  • It Only Hurts When I Laugh — Christopher Baldwin
  • Projectile Vomit Baby — Scott Nickel
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • Totally Useless MAD — 2013
  • Which Panel Doesn't Belong? — S. A. Johnsen and Jen Sorensen
  • Got Your Nose — Jacob Lambert
  • Brown Bear — Noah Van Sciver
  • The Machine That Travels Through Time — Joey Alison Sayers
  • Just Below the Surface — Douglas Paszkiewicz
  45–48
• Recycling — it's everybody's job!

  An Embarrassment of Richard's Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Gary Hallgren
  49 sample
• Celebrity Rock, Paper, Scissors

  Making Funny Hand Over Fist Dept.

  Written by Dave Croatto / Various photos

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Disturbingly Awful MAD — 2013
  50–51
• Spy vs. Spy vs. Spy — surfboard missile / Spy vs. Spy — bus stop teeter board

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • Totally MAD — 2012
  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  52–53
• Are You a Candidate For the Zit Hall of Fame?

  Pus and Minus Dept.

  Tom Cheney / Color by Carl Peterson

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  • Totally MAD — 2012
  • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  54–56
• Fold-In — Which union is the Republican party most eager to break up?

  Al Jaffee
  C3