MAD #381 — May 1999

"There's no business like show business, although in terms of compassion, the Mafia comes close!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Subscription Ad — "Dan Brown" dressed as a lobster

  Written by Joe Raiola / Photos by Irving Schild
  C2
• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Charlton Heston reacts to back of #377 / Promo for Totally MAD CD-Roms due Fall 1999 / Ad for Super Special May 1999 #137 — Double Sided — MAD Mocks Fox TV / School Sucks
  2–3
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine) summary
• The Diary of a Tomb Raider Fanatic

  Star Croft Lovers Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Scott Bricher
  4–7
• How the NBA Plans to Win Back the Love of Their Former Fans

  Hoop Schemes Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Keith Seidel

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #32 — March 2005
  8–9
• Monroe &... Las Vegas — Part I

  Angster's Paradise Dept.

  Written by Anthony Barbieri / Art by Bill Wray
  10–13
• Pop Up Porno Videos

  Who Gives a Flying Fact Dept.

  Written by Andrew J. Schwartzberg / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #30 — November 2004
  14–16
• Tofu Times — The New Age Newspaper

  Soy Story Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau and Joe Raiola / Art by James Warhola
  17–21 sample
• Instant TV Reviews

  Hide 'N' Critique Dept.

  Written by Russ Cooper / Art by Grey Blackwell

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Art — 2002 (excerpt)
  • MAD XL #31 — January 2005
  22–23 sample
• Brutally Honest Flight Attendant Announcements

  The Plane Truth Dept.

  Written by Amy Gillett / Art by Tom Bunk

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #33 — June 2005
  24–25
• Spy vs. Spy — tank crushed by dominos

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Classics #2 — September 2005
  • Spy Vs. Spy 2 — The Joke and Dagger Files — 2007
  26–28
• Scenes from the Antiques Freakshow (TV satire)

  Appraise the Thing Dept.

  Written by Charlie Richards / Art by Bill Wray

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD About TV — 1999
  • MAD About the '90s — 2005
  • MAD For Decades — 2007
  29–31
• The Paranoid Psychotic's Guide to Foiling Paparazzi

  The Clods Must Be Crazy Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Classics #6 — April 2006
  32–33
• Introducing Gravel Vista Gardens

  Unreal Estate Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by George Woodbridge

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Classics #12 — January 2007
  34 sample
• Sub-brainy The Teenage Wretch (TV satire)

  Generation Hex Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #24 — November 2003
  35–38
• A MAD Guide to Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong

  You've Got Male Dept.

  Written by Dave Croatto / Art by Rick Tulka

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #28 — July 2004
  39–41
• A MAD Look at Hotels

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Classics #9 — September 2006
  42–44
• MAD's Science Fiction Primer

  Plan It Hollywood Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Spoofs Star Wars and Other Sci-Fi — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  • MAD #39 — October 2024
  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash Vol. 9 — Aug/Sep 2024
  45–47
• MAD's Celebrity Cause-Of-Death Betting Odds: Oprah Winfrey

  Grieving Las Vegas Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD About TV — 1999
  48
• Fold-In — What epic struggle will resume this summer but fail to live up to its predecessor?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD About Star Wars — 2007
  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3
• Back Cover — Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions — Special All-Smoking Edition

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Classics #2 — September 2005
  C4