MAD #384 — August 1999

"On their deathbed, no one ever wished they had spent more time at the office — or on their deathbed, for that matter!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Ad promoting next issue MAD #385
  C2
• Contents Page
  1, 3
• Ad for Super Special August 1999 #139

  Ecch! Rated MAD
  2
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Photo of Alex Trebek with MAD #380, promo for Totally MAD CD-ROMs due Fall 1999, 14 Years Ago in MAD: One Dark Afternoon in Edmonton — Don Martin from MAD #257
  4–5
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• Mild Mild Mess (movie satire)

  Where There's a Will There's a Waste Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Art — 2002 (excerpt)
  • MAD XL #32 — March 2005
  6–10
• MTV's Real Real World Casting Questionnaire

  Generation Yecch Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Drew Friedman

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD About TV — 1999
  • MAD XL #34 — July 2005
  11–13
• The Basic Differences Between Parents & Grandparents

  The Generation Crap Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • LifeSavers Kickerz Presents — The MAD Guide to the Sour and Sweet of Life — 2002 (excerpt)
  • MAD XL #33 — June 2005
  14–15
• The Lost Poetry of Jewel

  A Not Ready for Rhyme Time Player Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Yvonne Buchanan

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #31 — January 2005
  16–17
• A MAD Look at Veterinarians

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Fixes Cats — Special Collector's Edition 2025
  18–20
• Bulging Man — The Magazine for the Man Who Wants to Bulge

  The Abdominal Showman Dept.

  Written by Scott Maiko / Art by Scott Bricher / Photos by Irving Schild and Sean Kahlil

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • The MAD Gross Book — 2001 (excerpt)
  • MAD Classics #6 — April 2006
  21–28 sample
• Unspoken Rules of Double Dating

  Order in the Courtship Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Timothy Shamey

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Classics #8 — July 2006
  29–31
• Spy vs. Spy — last resort gate chop

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Spy Vs. Spy — The Complete Casebook — Antonio Prohias — 2001
  • Spy Vs. Spy — Omnibus — Antonio Prohias — 2011
  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  32–33
• U.S.S. Desperation Singles Cruise

  The Schlub Boat Dept.

  Written by Barry Liebmann / Art by Tom Bunk

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #31 — January 2005
  34–35
• A TV Commercial We'd Like To See — MasterFraud — Part One

  Ads Nauseam Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Photos by Irving Schild

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MADvertising — 2005
  36
• Monroe &... Goth

  Angster's Paradise Dept.

  Written by Anthony Barbieri / Art by Bill Wray
  37–40
• A TV Commercial We'd Like To See — MasterFraud — Part Two

  Ads Nauseam Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Photos by Irving Schild

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MADvertising — 2005
  • MAD's Greatest Writers — Frank Jacobs — 2015
  41
• The Faketrix (movie satire)

  Special Defects Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Angelo Torres

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • MAD XL #21 — June 2003
  • MAD About the '90s — 2005
  • MAD For Decades — 2007
  • MAD Spoofs Star Wars and Other Sci-Fi — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  42–47
• MAD's Celebrity Cause-Of-Death Betting Odds: Will Smith

  Grieving Las Vegas Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #32 — March 2005
  48
• Fold-In — What dire situation is law enforcement failing to control?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3
• Back Cover — forgot milk? (ad parody)

  Written by John Prete

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MADvertising — 2005
  C4