MAD #499 — April 2009

"Hybrid SUV's are like adult diapers — they don't really solve anything, but they make people feel better about the mess they're making!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.
  2, 4, 5, 8
• MAD's 2-Question Interviews: Brian Williams, Ralph Nader, Christiane Amanpour, Bob Costas, Tiki Barber, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Chris Matthews, and John Madden

  Written and photographed by Vicki Arkoff
  6
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• Subscription Ad — "Jeffrey Lozenge" dressed as The Riddler

  Written by Joe Raiola / Irving Schild photos
  9
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Friends of Fundalini Notes

  • "Friends of Fundalini" list of contributors not originally attached to the articles in this section: Desmond Devlin, Evan Dorkin, Sarah Dyer, Drew Friedman, Garth Gerhart, Marc Hempel, Darren Johnson, Jeff Kruse, Barry Liebmann, Kevin Pope, Sam Sisco, Ward Sutton, Jason Yungbluth — DETAILS

  • Eerie Similarities Between Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Sam Sisco
  • The Fast 5 — Main Duties of Obama's New Chief Technology Officer — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Marc Hempel
  • The Yungbluth & The Restless — a more complex medical procedure (Jason Yungbluth)
  • Melvin & Jenkins' Guide to Public Transportation — Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Kevin Pope sample
  • How George W. Bush Will Be Perceived by Various Americans (Drew Friedman art)
  • Stories Reported by TMZ That Were Later Retracted — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer
  • Solution to Last Month's "Mini-Mystery" — pancreas with a false bottom
  • The Sublime 7 — Hillary Clinton's Priorities as Secretary of State — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Ward Sutton
  • Bitterman — sick of the way his Dad treats him (Garth Gerhart)
  10–12
• What The Heck is the Difference?

  Observation Dreck Dept. — featuring cover #213
  13
• Botchmen (movie satire)

  Less is Moore Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Tom Richmond

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  • MAD About Super Heroes — Volume 2 — 2010
  • MAD About Super Heroes — Version 2.5 — 2012
  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 3 — December 2025
  14–19
• A MAD Look At Trade Schools

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones / Color by Tom Luth
  20–22
• Digital TV FAQs

  A Small-Box Epidemic Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse
  23
• The Decided Disadvantages of an Online Education

  Modem Cum Laude Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 4 — April 2026
  26–27
• The Darker Side of The Lighter Side

  Berg's-Eye Askew Dept.

  Dave Berg originals / uncredited altered dialogue
  28–30
• An open letter from JP CitiChaseWaCapitalMu Bank to The American People

  An Embarrassment of Richard's Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo
  31
• MAD's Unheroic Watchmen Outtakes

  Please Sir, Can I Have Some Moore? Dept.
  32–33
• The Story of Deathbed Donkey and the Rage of Sorrow

  A Touch of Ass Dept.

  Written by Brian McConnachie / Art by Rick Geary
  34–35
• Unabridged Sports Cliches

  Humor in a Jocular Vein Dept.

  Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 4 — April 2026
  36–37
• Ad for tons of MAD merchandise
  38
• The Strip Club

  Pen and Stink Dept.

  • The Machine That Travels Through Time (Joey Alison Sayers)
    Reprinted in 4 collections

    • Inside MAD — 2013
    • Disturbingly Awful MAD — 2013
    • MAD Choice Cuts — Special Collector's Edition 2014
    • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  • The Dork Side (Scott Nickel)
  • Your Mama's Website is So Ugly... (Tony Murphy)
  • The Long and Short of It (Dan Long)
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • Totally Useless MAD — 2013
  • The Legendary Deliveries of Pete Zahn (John Kovaleski)
  • The Roommates: John, Joe and Jerry (Todd Clark)
  • One Lovely Easter Morning (Christopher Baldwin)
  39–42
• Spy vs. Spy — last request guillotine / diving board smash

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  44–45
• President Obama — The Promise vs. The Reality

  Going Barack on His Word Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Leonardo Rodriguez and Kevin Pope
  46–47
• Fold-In — A Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions snowboarding conversation

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  • Intensely Dumb MAD — 2013
  C3