MAD #501 — October 2009

"Trying to enjoy the last few days of summer, knowing school is about to start, is like trying to enjoy the last few minutes of an in-flight movie, knowing your plane is about to crash!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page

  New layout this issue
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Photo of Sam Viviano with National Cartoonists Society award, plug for Sergio Aragones's retrospective exhibition at The Ojai Valley Museum in Ojai, California, plug for The Art of Harvey Kurtzman book
  2, 4, 6
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• GEICO (Government Endorsed Insane Corporate Over-compensation) (ad parody)

  Dollars Incensed Dept.
  7 sample
• Subscription Ad — "Jeffrey Lozenge" dressed as a lobster

  Written by Joe Raiola / Photos by Irving Schild
  8
• The MAD Quarterly Report (May–July 2009)

  Eventing Our Spleen Dept.

  Sam Viviano
  9
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindlessness Dept.

  • A Passed-Over Supreme Court Nominee — Judge Maximo Goosecap IV — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Rick Tulka
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • If Other World Leaders Tried the Michelle Obama "Sleeveless" Look — Written by Kiernan P. Schmitt
  • Here on Gilligan's Bile — at the Terminator family reunion (Paul Gilligan)
  • Should We Be Happy If Texas Secedes? — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Bob Staake
    Reprinted in 2 collections

    • Totally Useless MAD — 2013
    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Vey To Go — "is it my husband or..." (P. C. Vey)
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Take Me Out to the Ballgame (New York Yankees Fan Version) — Art by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Least Understood Medical Conditions — Art by Dave Berg
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Celebrity Cause-of-Death Betting Odds — Kim Kardashian
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Plugged Nickel — swatted dog with Kindle (Scott Nickel)
  • The Fast 5 — Rejected Titles for Sarah Palin's Upcoming Memoirs — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • The Expedious Eight — Other Ways Playboy is Cutting Costs — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Drew Friedman
  • Duck Droppings — retrieve hat after cliff jump (Don (Duck) Edwing)
  • Netf%#x — All the Convenience and Excitement of Receiving Junk Mail! — Written by Jacob Lambert
  • LeLievre and Let LeLievre — turtle gives urine sample at finish line (Glen LeLievre)
  • Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions — Is that a big screen TV? (Al Jaffee)
  • Financial Advice You Don't Want to Hear from Suze Orman — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Excerpts from Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern's Guide to Proper Table Manners — Written by John Caldwell / Art by Hermann Mejia
    Reprinted in 1 collection

    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Pull My Cheney — ring-side interview with head (Tom Cheney)
  • A Guide to Little League Coaching Signs (Jim Hunt)
    Reprinted in 2 collections

    • Intensely Dumb MAD — 2013
    • This Is Your Brain On MAD — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • Calvin and Jobs — working through liver transplant — Art by Gary Hallgren
  • Relatives of the Geico "Money You Could Be Saving" — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Sutton for Punishment — Paul McCartney trashes Rock Band (Ward Sutton)
  10–14, 16
• Ad for three reprinted Spy vs. Spy classic books by Antonio Prohias with introductions by John Ficarra
  15
• A Brutally Honest Michael Jackson Obit

  After the Glove is Gone Dept.
  17
• Harry Plodder is a Hot-Blooded Putz (movie satire)

  Going Over a Radcliffe Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Presents Harry Potter — September 2011
  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  18–23
• Spy vs. Spy — elevator weight limit exceeded

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  24
• Bo Confidential — The Secret Files of America's First Dog

  Chasing Its Own Tale Dept.

  Art by Tom Richmond
  25–27
• The New iPhone Apps Are Here! (ad parody)

  The Apple of Our Ire Dept.
  28–29
• William Shatner Twitters While Watching Star Trek

  The Agony of De-Tweet Dept.

  Written by Frank Santopadre / AP & Wide World and various photos

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Spoofs Sci-Fi / Star Wars — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  30–31
• MAD's Guide to Making a Recently-Released Gitmo Detainee Feel Welcome in Your Town

  There's No Displaced Like Home Dept.

  John Caldwell
  32–33
• MisMatch.com (website parody)

  Meet Market Dept.

  Written by Scott Maiko / various photos
  34–37
• Ad for The MAD 2009–2010 Calendar
  38
• A MAD Look at Star Trek

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones / Color by Tom Luth

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Spoofs Star Wars and Other Sci-Fi — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  39–42
• Spy vs. Spy — helicopter target

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  43
• A TV Commercial We'd Like to See — Scam Wow!

  There's a Soaker Born Every Minute Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Tom Bunk

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash — Vol. 7 — December 2023
  • MAD #35 — February 2024
  44–45
• The Hardships Faced by the Super Obese of America's Wild West

  All Fat and No Cowboy Dept.

  Teresa Burns Parkhurst

  Reprinted in 5 collections

  • Totally MAD — 2012
  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — 2012
  • The Best of the Worst! — Special Collector's Edition 2012
  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — Expanded Edition — 2013
  • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  46–47
• Sanford and Sin — The Complete Scandal (ad parody)

  The Republican Partying Dept.
  48
• The Strip Club

  Pen and Stink Dept.

  Featuring /

  • Jimmy The Geek — Keith Knight
  • Rex in the City — Dustin Glick
  • Little Nazi Nutkicker — Todd Clark
  • 360 Degrees of Separation — Jason Yungbluth
    Reprinted in 3 collections

    • Inside MAD — 2013
    • MAD Choice Cuts — Special Collector's Edition 2014
    • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  • Me, Myself and My Puppet — Get Saved (John Kovaleski)
  • The Long and Short of It — Dan Long
  • The Insanitarium — Johnny Ringo
  • The Machine That Travels Through Time — Joey Alison Sayers
  49–52
• The MAD Vault — 1973

  The Articles Formerly Known as Reprints Dept.

  Featured Article Excerpts and Contributors

  • Eight covers from 1973 interspersed within the following collage of article excerpts:
  • You Never Can Win With a Bigot! — Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  • One Evening at a Masquerade Party — Don Martin
  • Future Enlistment Posters — Written by Dick DeBartolo and Don Epstein / Art by Bob Clarke
  • Crime Foilers For the Average Citizen — Al Jaffee
  • "Realistic" MAD Model Car Kits — Dave Gantz
  • Why Does it Always Happen That... — Written by Tom Koch / Art by Jack Rickard
  • Planned Obsolescence in Everyday Products — Al Jaffee
  • MAD's Modern Believe It or Nuts! — Written by Arnie Kogen / Art by Bob Clarke
  • You Know You've Really Got a Problem When... — Written by Tom Koch / Art by Bob Clarke
  • The Milking of The Planet That Went Ape (movie satires) — Written by Arnie Kogen / Art by Mort Drucker
  • Graffiti Through History — Written by Paul Peter Porges / Art by Bob Clarke
  • Keep America Beautiful
  53–55 collage
• What the Heck is the Difference? — Jonas Brothers Lines, Vines and Trying Times

  Observation Dreck Dept.
  56
• Fold-In — What potential health threat has been linked to the nation's pig population?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3 sample