Mad #501 October 2009
- Cover Artist: Mark Fredrickson
- "Will Worry For Food" Lettering: Sam Viviano
- Contents Page (new layout) (1)
- "Trying to enjoy the last few days of summer, knowing school is about to start, is like trying to enjoy the last few minutes of an in-flight movie, knowing your plane is about to crash!"
-- Alfred E. Neuman
- Letters (photo of Sam Viviano with National Cartoonists
Society award) (plug for Sergio Aragones's retrospective
exhibition at The Ojai Valley Museum in Ojai, California)
(plug for The Art of Harvey Kurtzman book) (2,4,6)
- Sergio Aragones Drawn-Out Dramas
**various places around the magazine
- GEICO (Government Endorsed Insane
Corporate Over-compensation) (ad parody) (7) 
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- Subscription Ad - "Jeffrey Lozenge" dressed as a lobster
(written by Joe Raiola / Irving Schild photos) (8)
- The Mad Quarterly Report (May-July 2009) (Sam Viviano art) (9)
- The Fundalini Pages (10-14,16)
- A Passed-Over Supreme Court Nominee -
Judge Maximo Goosecap IV (written by Jeff Kruse / Rick Tulka art)
- If Other World Leaders Tried the Michelle Obama "Sleeveless" Look
(written by Kiernan P. Schmitt)
- Here on Gilligan's Bile - at the Terminator family reunion (Paul Gilligan)
- Should We Be Happy If Texas Secedes? (written by Jeff Kruse / Bob Staake art)
- Vey To Go - "is it my husband or..." (P. C. Vey)
- Take Me Out to the Ballgame
(New York Yankees Fan Version) (Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer art)
- Least Understood Medical Conditions (Dave Berg art)
- Celebrity Cause-of-Death Betting Odds - Kim Kardashian
- Plugged Nickel - swatted dog with Kindle (Scott Nickel)
- The Fast 5 - Rejected Titles for Sarah Palin's Upcoming Memoirs (written by Jeff Kruse)
- The Expedious Eight - Other Ways Playboy is Cutting Costs
(written by Jeff Kruse / Drew Friedman art)
- Duck Droppings - retrieve hat after cliff jump (Don (Duck) Edwing)
- Netf%#x - All the Convenience and Excitement of Receiving Junk Mail!
(written by Jacob Lambert)
- LeLievre and Let LeLievre - turtle gives urine sample at finish line (Glen LeLievre)
- Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions - Is that a big screen TV? (Al Jaffee)
- Financial Advice You Don't Want to Hear from Suze Orman
(written by Jeff Kruse / Paul Coker, Jr. art)
- Excerpts from Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern's Guide to Proper Table Manners
(written by John Caldwell / Hermann Mejia art)
- Pull My Cheney - ring-side interview with head (Tom Cheney)
- A Guide to Little League Coaching Signs (Jim Hunt)
- Calvin and Jobs - working through liver transplant (Gary Hallgren art)
- Relatives of the Geico "Money You Could Be Saving" (written by Jeff Kruse)
- Sutton for Punishment - Paul McCartney trashes Rock Band (Ward Sutton)
- Ad for three reprinted Spy vs. Spy classic books by Antonio Prohias with John Ficarra introductions (15)
- A Brutally Honest Michael Jackson Obit (17)
- Harry Plodder is a Hot-Blooded Putz (movie satire)
(written by Desmond Devlin / Hermann Mejia art) (18-23)
- Spy vs. Spy - elevator weight limit exceeded (Peter Kuper) (24)
- Excerpts from Bo Confidential - The Secret Files of America's First Dog (Tom Richmond art) (25-27)
- The New iPhone Apps Are Here! (ad parody) (28-29)
- William Shatner Twitters While Watching Star Trek
(written by Frank Santopadre / AP & Wide World and various photos) (30-31)
- Mad's Guide to Making a Recently-Released Gitmo Detainee Feel Welcome in Your Town
(John Caldwell) (32-33)
- MisMatch.com (website parody) (written by Scott Maiko / various photos) (34-37)
- Ad for The Mad 2009-2010 Calendar (38)
- A Mad Look At Star Trek (Sergio Aragones / color by Tom Luth) (39-42)
- Spy vs. Spy - helicopter target (Peter Kuper) (43)
- A TV Commercial We'd Like to See - Scam Wow! (written by Dick DeBartolo / Tom Bunk art) (44-45)
- The Hardships Faced by the Super Obese of America's Wild West (Teresa Burns Parkhurst) (46-47)
- Sanford and Sin - The Complete Scandal (ad parody) (48)
- The Strip Club (49-52)
- The Mad Vault - 1973
(reprinted excerpts from Frank Jacobs, Paul Coker, Jr., Don Martin, Dick DeBartolo, Don Epstein, Bob Clarke, Al Jaffee, Dave Gantz, Tom Koch, Jack Rickard, Arnie Kogen, Mort Drucker, Paul Peter Porges, Norman Mingo, Harvey Kurtzman, Sergio Aragones, John Putnam) (53-55)
- What the Heck is the Difference? - Jonas Brothers Lines, Vines and Trying Times (56)
- Fold-In -- What potential health threat has been linked
to the nation's pig population? (Al Jaffee) (C3)
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