Mad #309 March 1992

• Cover Artist: Jack Davis
• Cover Writer: Tom Hachtman

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• Ad for Super Special July 1992 - Collector's Series #3 (C2)
• Contents Page (1)
• Ad for Subscriptions with Mad Pin Collection Bonus
• Letters (photo of Richard Dean Anderson with #307) (2-3)
• Sergio Aragones Drawn-Out Dramas (summary)
  **various places around the magazine
• Beverly Hills 911 (TV satire)
  (written by Dennis Snee / Mort Drucker art) (4-8)
• Drama on Page 9 -
  "twice the pirate any of us are!" (John Caldwell) (9)
• Mad's Christmas Carols for Modern Times
  (written by Tom Koch / Paul Coker, Jr. art) (10-11)
• If Other Historical Eras Had Been
  as "Lawsuit Happy" as Ours is Today
  (written by Mike Snider / George Woodbridge art) (12-13)
• Other "Diseases" of the Machine World
  (written by Mike Snider / Al Jaffee art) (14-16)
• Spy vs. Spy - electrified yo-yo string
  (written by Russ Cooper / Bob Clarke art) (17)
• The Mad Stages of... (Rick Tulka) (18-19)
• Drama on Page 20 - helium substitute (John Caldwell) (20)
• Mad's Minute-By-Minute Breakdown of Popular TV Shows (written by Russ Cooper / Sam Viviano art) (21-23)
• The Rhyme of the Ailing President
  (written by Frank Jacobs / Gerry Gersten art) (24-25)
• Using Sports Equipment in Everyday Life
  (Paul Peter Porges) (26-27)
• An Underachiever is...
  (written by Mike Snider / Mort Drucker art) (28-29)
• The Lighter Side of... (Dave Berg) (30-34)
• A Mad Look at Tools (Sergio Aragones) (35-37)
• Mad's Practice S.A.T. Questions
  (written by Frank Jacobs) (38-39)
• Don (Duck) Edwing Hangs Out at the Mall (40-42)
• Quandary Heap (TV satire)
  (written by Dick DeBartolo / Angelo Torres art) (43-47)
• New Cabinet-Level Departments We'd Like to See
  (written by Dan Birtcher / George Woodbridge art) (48)
• Fold-In -- What yo-yo like activity
  has its painful ups and downs? (Al Jaffee) (C3)
• Back Cover -- GQ - Geek's Quarterly Magazine (written by
  William T. Raschendorfer and Andrew J. Schwartzberg)